It is the 17th of January 2009, a day before the Sinulog celebration… But why am I in Cyberspace instead of hopping about in the busy streets of Cebu? I ask myself that question…..
I came home from work and from someplace else at almost 2 in the afternoon today, took a little nap and planned to wake up to join the procession. Unfortunately, the devil got to me first and I could not get up to join the procession…. woke up in the evening because (tsktsk tsk, I totally forgot!), it was my parent’s 28th wedding anniversary and there was a lof of food on the table. There was singing (and there still is) but I see that only the “oldies” (pardon the term for lack of any other word to use) are present in the little gathering. Apparently all the teens have gone out to watch concerts and attend street parties… that was when I asked myself why am I in Cyberspace?
Have I grown old? Have I lost the appetite to party and have fun? Have I lost my energy for life? Hmmm…. in a way, probably, ever since I started working US-time, I guess I have lost track of the happenings in the world. I either just sleep, watch tv, eat or go to the grocery to buy household stuff – and by household stuff, I mean laundry soaps and things like that… I don’t even remember when I last attended a concert… wow!!
I kinda miss those days…. the Bisrock and the Rasta times. Yep!!! I have a feeling I am sounding like a nostalgic love song playing endlessly on the radio…. Those days when it didn’t matter that I had no money to pay for the concert because it was free! Those days when everything and everyone else gets tired but me… Those days when I barely slept and I can still make it to all-nighter or even the morning after – I really could last 2 days without sleep!!! Those good ol’ jolly days huh?
Now, I’ve shifted from planning “get-aways” to planning how to finish a “financially-challenging-scary-exciting-I-have-a-dream” kinda project for the future. I guess it has pushed me to mental and physical exhaustion.. All the thinking, planning and execution. Its not the easiest thing to do, especially if you like to plan “big” and “at the spur of the moment” like I do but lack the financial capability to be AS big!
The first few steps are on the way, there is more to be done…. way more to be done!!! As Caren Carpenter would sing, “we’ve only just begun..” – I guess that is my theme song for this phase of my life.
OK, after this ranting, I think I’ve just figured out the answer to my question a while ago. I am not running about in the streets right now because I think that apart from all the “happy-nings”, Sinulog is first and foremost a spiritual experience; that you have to first fulfill your spiritual longings and then move on to different things. I have yet to fulfill my spriritual needs so until I do that, I hold off on all “other” things. Being in cyberspace keeps me away from all the “distractions” and reminds me to be calm and silent.
I have also realized what I need to be doing right now as well…. sleep early to attend the morning mass tomorrow and then later finally “HAVE FUN!” Without guilt, without hesitations and with nothing in mind except – fun fun fun!
Hmmm… I guess, its not that I’ve grown old… I’ve probably just “grown-up” and I am happy with that. Ahhh…. 2009…
11:49pm 01/17/2009 nmed